Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Pangs of Youth

I'm not in the mood for blogging, yet I still find myself here. Sometimes the world just does not seem right. Or maybe I am just not in sync with the universe if you buy into all that Hindu, Zen principle mumbo jumbo. Now I'm just being mean. For whatever reason I have an ingrown hair right above my upper lip, just below my nose. I don't get it. I tried digging it out yesterday to no avail and today it bled for half an hour. What's wrong with me?

Do you ever think about moments? Or catch yourself drifting to moments and that reflection makes you feel like warm honey inside? I started a blog earlier (which I just deleted) which centered on three topics: frogs, bikes, and loneliness. Maybe not so much loneliness, but you get the picture.

I think I've over extended myself and now exhaustion is catching up to me. There's so much I want to try to get in done over the course of the next month that it's starting to become overwhelming. Everything is always so serious all the time. That's not who I am. Maybe now it's not who I was, but something I have to become comfortable with.

I feel dirty and cheap. Moments or memories have a way of kicking you in the gut and knocking the wind out of you. Man, I think I am just babbling. What I am getting at is I am just really whiny right now and lashing out. For whatever reason my mind will act out and flash memories of long forgotten childhood moments and that's just weird. Farm scenes, riding bikes, parks - for whatever reason I feel deep feelings of longing for those memories and how vivid they used to be or seem.

Maybe I'm just a robot shell with Brian's brain and he's trying to cope with having been blown to bits and transformed into a humanoid. Time will tell I suppose.


Jeff said...

I feel you man. I have a small break from school right now, but in 2 weeks it all starts again, double the intensity. I'm really getting nervous about how it's going to effect me.

gerald said...


Rich said...

I feel homeless.